Les and Ona Brown and Raz and Alex

This weekend Raz and I attended the inspirational seminar, “Discover Your Power Voice” with Les Brown.  Les Brown is the Emmy award-winning, world renowned motivational speaker, author and television personality.  The seminar was truly inspirational.  Les Brown OVER DELIVERED CONTENT!  The topics, materials, the guest speakers and the warm family environment were sensational.  The sessions could have gone on to midnight and no one would have noticed.

On our way there we were saying to ourselves that there is a divine purpose for us going there and there are people we need to meet.  The seminar was way over what we expected to say the least.

Les Brown: Motivational speaker, coach and author.  He was down to earth, engaging and passionate.  He is really an inspiration.  “Darkness cannot exist where there is light”.  His sense of humor makes the time fly by.  “You have greatness in you”.

We met his children who are all involved in the business in some way.  We met Les Brown’s daughter Ona Brown.  She is a fabulous speaker, with the gift to touch others, especially women.  Les Brown’s daughter, Serena, is in operations and spoke about her Dad values for excelling in education.  Les Brown’s daughter, Samia, did the video taping and spoke of how good a father Les was to his children.  We were also fortunate to meet and listen to Les Brown’s son, John-Leslie “High Hopes” Brown.  John-Leslie is sensational and his mission is to reach children and teens through his music and speeches, “This is my Time”.  What a pool of talent and promise for the next generation.

We were also fortunate to meet Dr. Julie VanPutten and Vincent Toran.  Dr. Julie is so calming and serene; one of her quotes was “Intention Drives Attention”.  In our discussions with Dr. Julie and Vince they revealed so much that we can do to help others with our story.  Vince has the ability to look into the information and come up with such profound interpretations and different perspectives.  There was truly a divine presence at this seminar.

Bill Walsh, what a remarkable human being.  He is so talented, humble and his passion to help people shows.  He is so approachable as everyone else at the seminar.  Bill is involved with Win University, Powerteam International, and Rainmaker Summit, in addition to being a venture capitalist.  Bill really keeps you engaged.  I took notes when Bill was speaking and every line that I wrote has a message, it is so powerful.  “Everyone is approachable”.  “Schedule your success or you will surely plan your failure”.

We met several of Les Brown’s platinum speakers, Andy Henriquez , Ming Wong and Vincent Toran.  They were all powerful speakers who have been through Les’s training.

Les Brown over delivered with: the material, the caliber of guest speakers and opportunities.  The seminar exceeded anything I could have imagined.

www.deafparenting.com

www.raisingdeafchildrenpodcast.com

1. Parenting a special needs child is challenging, have faith and make sure you have a good support system of family, friends, and people from your child’s school system.
2. Make the welfare of your child a high priority.  Your efforts will be rewarded.
3. Treat your child as normal as possible; do not feel sorry for your child (or yourself) and spoil or baby them.  Just treat and love them as you would your other children.
4. *Your goal should be raising a good, happy, confident and independent adult who can be the best he or she can be.
5. Be involved in your child’s education: educate yourself about your child’s disability, understand your child’s strengths and areas for improvements, and develop an effective relationship with your child’s teachers and special needs services department.
6. Meet and interact with adults that have the same disability as your child, this will give you a great idea on the achievements your child can attain.
7. *Your child greatly benefits when both parents, share in the experience of raising the child.
8. *Develop a close relationship and good communication with your child.
9. *Build your child’s self confidence by supporting their passions and hobbies.
10. *Know that being different is fine.

*Applies to all children

Raveena's Dedication at Grace Chapel.

On a beautiful and sunny Sunday, May 30th 2010, we had Raveena’s dedication to God and a celebration party. Raveena was born on August 3rd 2008 on a beautiful sunny Sunday. She is hearing. The name “Raveena” means beauty of the sun. Her middle name “Jasleen” means absorbed in singing the praises of God. Amrit and I chose both her names with care.

At Grace Chapel in Lexington, Massachusetts, Raveena’s dedication was a huge honor for her. The purpose of dedication is for God to bless Raveena to grow healthy and show the bright future she has.

In the picture you will see us, her parents, Amrit and I. The paternal grandparents (hearing) are Razeyah and Alex. Her aunt and godmother (hearing) is Charisma. The Deaf godparents are Christina and Rich. Her other maternal grandparents are Dial and Swaran (they live in Singapore and acknowledged the dedication day). We announced our family members and godparents in front of the church congregation. We received a certificate of dedication for Raveena. The pastor, church staff and interpreters who performed and arranged the dedication needs to be commended for a job well done.

In the backyard of our home in Marlboro, Massachusetts, we had the reception party. We invited close friends and special guests. We ate healthy appetizers, lunch dishes, and healthy Asian cake. The adults chatted and catch up our old news. At the same time, they met new people and got to know each other. Children played with bubbles and recreational stuff. We celebrated God’s blessing dedication to Raveena Jasleen Stephen.

My family is the Stephen Family, 2nd generation in the USA!

Larry, Amrit and Raveena- Dedication reception at their home

Our son Larry and Amrit his wife are strong and independent Deaf adults.  They both have Masters degrees in Deaf Education and are both teachers, who own their home.  Larry and Amrit have a beautiful daughter, Raveena.  They are excellent parents!  Raveena is their number one priority!  When Amrit and Raveena are together, Amrit never takes her eyes off Raveena!  Amrit’s keen sense of sight allows her to make up for things she might miss from not hearing.

Raveena is a bright, beautiful, happy and normal almost 2 years old.  She loves all types of music, but her favorite is classical.  Raveena loves to dance, once she hears music she starts moving her feet.  Raveena is learning to speak and sign.

If you are a father of a special needs child and reading this blog, hooray!  We are so happy that you are involved in your child’s life!  We really, really want to congratulate you and encourage you.

If you are a mother reading this blog, and you will like your husband or spouse to become more involved with sharing in the responsibility and joys of raising your special needs child, please share this information with him!

For our podcast on this topic please go to http://www.raisingdeafchildrenpodcast.com/

Today we want to encourage both parents to stay involved and really understand that you have a specific role in your child’s education and life.  It is sad but true that about 80% of the families with children with significant special needs get divorced. This makes it very difficult for the children as well as the families.  We know there is a lot of stress and extra efforts, with having a special needs child, but the need to work together for the child is critical.  We both think that if you have the strength and the resources, do whatever it takes to stay together or get together, put your differences aside and support your child.  Your child will benefit tremendously from having both parents, fathers and mothers, involved.  Don’t get divorced, that is the best.  And in the end, you as parents will reap the benefits.

What can parents do?  Parents need to be there to support their kids.  In my opinion when you get that news it is a shocker.  But you have to get over the news and set your priorities.  Your child’s future and education takes highest priority.  The way I look at it, that’s the cards that life dealt you, and you have to work with it.  Do not look at it as an extra burden.  However, look at it as your life experience and do what needs to be done so that your child receives the best.  You need to be there to support your children.

For example: you can carry over the lessons of the day, by reviewing the work your child did in school.  Discuss and see what questions they have and see what you can do to add to that work.  This is very important because you help the child and yourself.  Larry for example, was extremely good in science and math.  He just picked up the math.  But he had challenges with reading, because English was a second language and American Sign Language (ASL) was his first language.  So when you are involved you see where your child needs the extra help.  And you can always work that into the IEP with the Special Needs Department and the school.

You want to make it a rule of thumb to help your child with their homework.  I know we did this with Larry and Charisma.  At one point Larry said I am independent and I can do this on my own.  If I need help I will come to you.  He drew the line and said you do not have to sit with me every evening.  That was really good to see him reach that stage in his development.

You can help your child with the big picture.  And what I mean by that is have conversations with them.  It does not have to be structured conversations, and it can be casual around the house or in the yard.  Talk about the importance of school and give examples of successful people to your kids, the importance of teachers and their peers.  For me my mom did that with me all the time and that got ingrained in me.  I always had mentors or people I wanted to emulate.  Talk about the importance of family, church, if you attend church, and current events.  It can be local, regional or international.  Just try and communicate.  It creates a good bond and your child will trust you more and can confide in you.

Parents need to help foster friendships with other kids. The kids with disabilities have a harder time; they don’t live as close to their class mates and friends.  Most likely they live in one town and goes to school in another town.  For example, Larry lived in Marlboro and went to school in Framingham.  All his friends were from school, so he had no friends in our neighborhood.  His friends lived across town or in adjoining towns.  So I think it’s up to you as parents to arrange play times etc.  You can take turns with other parents for arranging activities.

You can tell them they’re doing a good job.  Complement them when they do a good job.  Also, let them know of areas for improvement.  It really goes a long way. This really goes a long way because your children look up to you.  And the more you are involved they just blossom.  So the parents’ involvement is so important

This is a special call to fathers.  We want to encourage you to share the responsibilities of supporting you child.  It’s not just getting your son or daughter to a soccer game on Saturday or Sunday.  It’s the practices, the homework, the preparation, and a lot of “atta boys and atta girls”.  Let them see that you really enjoy being with them.

You may be thinking, why should we do this?  We want to tell you that you will get the rewards from being involved.  So we want to encourage you and give you hope.  If both parents, fathers and mothers, are involved most likely your child is going to become more confident, have higher self-esteem, do better at school work, perform better at and enjoy extracurricular activities more, be more adjusted, and have a better future.

The more time and efforts you put in now, your child will become more independent as a teenager and an adult.  And the more independent your special needs child become, it will be easier for you to let go.  Just yesterday a parent was asking how they can go on vacation by themselves without their deaf child.  It starts from day one.  You have to encourage independence and support your child.  As parents of special needs children we shoulder the responsibility of their care and this play a major role in our plans, for example, where we live and work etc.  The more independent your child becomes, your responsibility becomes less.  Think about this, it means you worry less!  This is a really big reward!

So we want to encourage both parents, fathers and mothers, to team up to ensure that your child become the best he or she can be.  You both can share the responsibilities to support your child. Think about the brilliant, out of the box ideas both of you can think about when you put your heads together.  We found that once you make it a priority you get the energy to do it.  We are not saying it is easy.  Yes, it is a lot more effort, but if you both make it a priority and share the responsibility, it is doable!

Parents it is all about mindset.  Look at the situation as a joy, this is my child and I will do the best.  The rewards are unimaginable just listen to our family story.

Sign in and download the free PDF and audio of our story at www.deafparenting.com.  We appreciate your comments and feedback. Please feel free to share your story with us on the blog. I am sure it will help other people on their journey.

We will like to share our experience with our Deaf son Larry.  Larry loved sports from a toddler; he would sit or lie down in front of the TV and just watch sports, all sports.  Larry was a very active toddler, so we noticed what kept him interested for an extended period.  While Larry attended Kendall Demonstration Elementary School on Gallaudet University campus he played basketball and some soccer.  But Larry always had surplus energy.

When we moved to Massachusetts, Larry was 10 years old.  Larry started playing soccer; formally I should say, in the town league.   Just about that time Larry started reading soccer magazines for children around his age.  Which also helped in improving his reading skills.   So one day Larry put Raz and I to sit down and he outlined his plan for his future with soccer.  He wanted to play soccer for the Marlboro town league, the Massachusetts club level, the Olympics and World Cup Soccer internationally.  Raz and I said, yes we will support him, even though we did not know how he was going to do all this.  So Larry led and we supported.   Larry achieved all his soccer goals except playing at the World Cup Soccer level.  Larry played at the highest club level in Massachusetts for one of the most elite clubs, at California State University in Northridge and the USA’s Men’s Deaf Soccer Olympic Team.  You can read our story for complete details on how Larry accomplished his goals.

Larry’s experience with soccer built his self-confidence tremendously.  It was something we never dreamed about.  We just saw his confidence grow and explode.  Which made him a really strong person.  This really helped with peer pressure.  Larry saved his allowance to purchase his favorite professional soccer teams jerseys and he wore them frequently to school.  He was serious about soccer, his health, and eating right, that is, salads, fruits and drinking water.  So he did not get involved in such activities as smoking cigarettes in High School, which I think was such a big plus for us.  It really was a blessing in disguise.

While playing soccer at the club level, Larry was fortunate to have a coach that valued Larry’s passion, skills, enthusiasm, and dedication to the game and deafness was not an issue.  Larry was playing soccer at the highest club level for the elite Boston Eagles Club.  Larry loved and respected this coach.  He valued the coach’s advice on non-sports topics such as education.  The coach advised him that education came first and soccer second. You can listen to our podcast with this coach at http://www.raisingdeafchildrenpodcast.com/brian-ainscough-larrys-favorite-soccer-coach

I remember Brian said to us to allow him to go wherever he wanted to go to school.  The reason being if he changed his major and he loved the school he will stay there and continue his education.  If he has to change schools it will delay his graduation.  Brian had experience with other university students and even his own experience coming from abroad.  He told Larry that he shared the same passion for soccer, but your education is important and nobody can take that away from you.  For example, if you have an injury in sports it can affect you playing professionally. Brian said he wished he had paid more attention to his education.

He came to school in the states from Ireland and his first priority was playing division I soccer and eventually pro.  He told Larry that he had no one to advise him because his parents were in Ireland.  He came to the USA on his own.  As parents we want to be there for our kids as much as possible.

The amazing thing is whatever your child’s passion, in addition to listening to you, they would listen to the coach or that leader.  And sometimes they even listen to them more or are more receptive to what they are saying.  Because they think you as a parent is preaching to them.  The coach is like another ally, so that is a good thing.

As parents we all want confident children!  When you build your son or daughter’s self-confidence as a child, it pays off when they become a teenager.  It will help them with peer pressure, with school and with their goals.  When you build your son and daughter’s self-confidence as a teenager, it pays off when they become adults.  When they are in university by themselves or when they have moved out.  This will carry through with them the rest of their lives.  So we invite you today to focus on building your child’s self-confidence by supporting their passion!  Usually children have more than one passion.  Larry’s second passion was social studies and geography, which was completely different from soccer. That was his undergrad major.  That helped him with his reading and communication skills.  This is a gift you can give your child that will be with them forever.  Nobody can take their self confidence away from them.  It is never too late to start!

We talk about Larry’s self confidence and his passion in sports and soccer.  But I want parents and people to know that it did not only come out on the soccer field, with this coach and the players.  It came out in all areas of his life.  When he was choosing a school he was confident enough to say I want to go to this school all the way on the west coast in California.  He did his masters, he traveled, he played soccer abroad, he founded I think 3-4 groups and he is on the Board of Directors at Deaf Inc.  He is involved in International Committees for the Deaf.  So you know he is a leader in the Deaf community.  We saw the confidence on the soccer field and his love for soccer, but now it just blossomed in all different areas of his life.  And that is what you have to look at, the benefits to your children.

All this advice is for children in general.  The only additional thing you need to do if you have a Deaf child is to be able to communicate with them. And that is by learning ASL, American Sign Language.

For us at Deaf Parenting our resolution is to provide information that can give you hope and help you with the challenges and joys of parenting a special needs child.  Let us know which topics you will like to hear more on.

Building your child’s self confidence is very important to their future.  Make sure you give them your full support.

Please visit our blog at www.deafparenting.com sign in and download the free PDF and audio of our story.  We appreciate your comments and feedback.  Please feel free to share Your Story with us on the blog.  I am sure it will help other people on their journey.

If you recently found out your child is deaf, do not despair!  Welcome to an interesting life, one of challenges and rewards!   This may be difficult to believe now but it is true.  Here are a couple of tips on what you can get started on:

#1: Meet Deaf adults!  This will ease your despair and show you there is hope and your child has a bright future.  We remember when we went to the Summer Learning Vacation at Gallaudet University .  We met so much Deaf professionals and parents that we started and continued communicating with.

#2: One of the goals you should be, start learning sign language as soon as possible!  You need to communicate with your child as much as possible, just the same as you would communicate with your hearing child.

#3: Treat your child as normal as possible.  Your child is normal; you just need to use a different method of communication!

So no more despair, let’s get started on an interesting and rewarding journey.

If you child is less than 10 years old.  Here are a couple of tips that you use:

#1: Continue that communication.  Learn more signs, preferablyAmerican Sign Language.  As your child gets older, their interest changes, you need to be able to communicate on these new topics.

#2: Make sure you are proactively doing your best to nurture your child’s interest in reading.  We have a podcast on reading at www.raisingdeafchildrenpodcast.

#3: What is your child’s passion?   Is it soccer, basketball, gymnastics or swimming?  Support your child with his or her passion, this build self-confidence.  We have a separate podcast with Brian Ainscough-Larry’s favorite soccer coach.  You can see Larry’s passion and the respect and support he got from this coach.

So 2010 is a time to renew your efforts with making sure your child gets all they deserve.

If your child is a teenager, here are some tips:

#1:  Well all your previous communication efforts should be paying off now!  You can have in-depth conversations with your child.  Keep onlearning American Sign Language; I was happy we continued learning American Sign Language while Larry was a teenager. Communication is so important in those teenage years and believe me teens use different terms friends.  Teens start getting impatient if you cannot communicate fluently.

#2: Proactively monitor your child’s education.  Make sure adequate progress is being made and start discussing with your child what they will like to do post high school.  It is a good time to have their school start introducing your child’s class to Deaf professionals.

#3: Fathers get involved!  All children need guidance from both parents.  I remember parents at TLC will ask me how Larry and I had such a great relationship.  I told them it was communication.  I did a podcast entitled “I will Not Trade Him For The World”.  Please, fathers, do not abandon your Deaf child, it can be the best thing that happened to you.

It is never too late to start!

For us at Deaf Parenting our resolution is to provide information that can give you hope and help you with the challenges and joys of parenting a special needs child.  Let us know which topics you will like to hear more about by entering a comment or sending us email.

This is just a reminder that no matter how successful you are, family is very important and we must all put our children and spouse first in our life.  I bet Tiger, right now is willing to trade millions for the normal family life that you and I have.  So let us all look at our priorities and make sure we are putting our family first.

How easy it is to be a hero one day and then chastised the next day.  He admitted his transgressions.  I am not supporting what he did, but let us realize he is human.  He has to admit his mistakes, seek forgiveness from those that were hurt, including the Almighty. Let us not be the one to cast the first stone.

Tiger Woods made fans of people like myself who were not interested in golf.  Let us look past his mistakes, remember all the good he has done and the great potential he still has in him as an athlete, father, husband and role model.  Let us commit to sending him positive energy so he can get over these challenging times and heal his family wounds.  I can see his story of helping people in the future who are in similar situations.

Some people are born with disabilities and others appear to have everything in life.  Let us live a life of gratitude for what has been provided for us.  Yes we need money to live, but peace, inner happiness, joy and love for our fellow man surpasses all the riches in the world.  Let us help Tiger Woods in this healing process.

Alex Stephen invites you get our Free story “Unimaginable Miracles- A Family’s Journey with a Deaf Child”.   Please go to www.DeafParenting.com sign in and download the FREE PDF or AUDIO.  Discover how our Deaf child grew up confident, independent and successful beyond our imagination!  We appreciate your comments, and you are welcome to share “Your Story” on our blog.  It could change someone’s life!  Thank You.

Through this busy time when family celebrations are happening, it is really important to have effective communication with your Deaf child and to include them in all the activities.  Your hearing children are picking up from general conversations, phone conversations etc what is happening and all the plans that are being made.  It is very heart breaking to realize after the fact that you went to visit relatives and your Deaf child does not even know the names of the relatives.  Some planning can ease your frustration and your child’s frustration.

Here are some tips:

1. Try to explain to your child the family plans.  You can do this by explaining to your child what the family will be doing tomorrow or on the next trip.  For example, we will be going to the airport, taking a plane to New York to visit Aunt Jane, Uncle Joe and Cousin John and June.  Use pictures and sign language to explain to your child the names of new people they will meet.  When your child is older and can read you can always write a simple itinerary and share it with all family members before trips.
2. Make the effort to interpret for your child what is being said.  You can share the interpreting among various family members.  An excellent place to interpret what is happening is at the dinner table.
3. Concerning going to worship, most places will provide an interpreter if you contact them early enough.  You can volunteer to contact the interpreter and make the arrangements if necessary.  It is strongly recommended that you request an interpreter at least 2 months in advance, or find worship services where they provide an interpreter all year round.  The place of worship should pay for the interpreter.  What we have been doing lately when we visit out of state is attend a church which has an interpreter and Deaf members.  The last church we went to had a Deaf minister and interpreter, with all the people in the same service and location.  Larry and Amrit really enjoyed worship and felt included.
4. I have found that young children are very eager to learn to sign.  You can send a sign language book or DVD to your child’s cousins before the visit so they can learn some signs.
5. Everyone enjoys learning the signs for the various holidays.  Have your child teach the relatives those signs and other signs.  Make it a fun activity.
6. If you are visiting some where, make sure the TV closed caption is always on.

I hope these simple tips are helpful!  Please add your tips by commenting on the blog!  Happy Holidays!

Alex Stephen invites you get our Free story “Unimaginable Miracles- A Family’s Journey with a Deaf Child”.   Please go to www.DeafParenting.com sign in and download the FREE PDF or AUDIO.  Discover how our Deaf child grew up confident, independent and successful beyond our imagination!  We appreciate your comments, and you are welcome to share “Your Story” on our blog.  It could change someone’s life!  Thank You.

Having a deaf child was totally new experience to us and we were learning and adapting as we went along. Alex and I had no books on learning sign language and no sign language classes were available for hearing parents of Deaf children in Trinidad.  We were extremely lucky to attend a Summer Learning Vacation at Gallaudet University in Washington DC, when Larry was 3 years old.  While attending this 2 weeks program we started to gain an insight on signs and learning to sign.  I remember seeing a hearing toddler running around signing mom as she looked for her mother.  Alex and I realized that it was important to learn to sign so we could communicate with Larry.

We were extremely fortunate to have an experience at the Summer Learning Vacation that made us commit fully to learning sign language to communicate with Larry.  This experience was sad but it also was very enlightening to new parents of deaf children.  There were presentations by Deaf adults to new parents of deaf children and at these presentations, Deaf adults were crying, yes, crying when they told the story of their parents and family members never learning to sign.  This really touched our hearts and really sealed our commitment to learn sign language.

When Larry was 4 years old we moved from Trinidad to Washington DC, so that Larry could attend school at Kendall Demonstration Elementary School at Gallaudet University.  Every Saturday morning we had our routine, Alex and I would be spending all morning learning sign language at Kendall School.  Charisma, Larry’s younger sister, attended daycare with the deaf children and their hearing siblings at Kendall too.  Charisma learned to sign very quickly.

While taking sign language classes we were asked if we wanted to learn signed English or ASL.  Not knowing the full differences and being hearing parents who were “attached to English” we said signed English.  I wished we had chosen ASL; it would really have accelerated our communication with Larry.

When Larry was 10 years old, we moved to Massachusetts.  At Larry’s new school, The Learning Center for the Deaf, the classes offered were ASL.  Every single year, I attended ASL classes, it did not matter what the weather was like or how busy my schedule was at work.  I was a software engineer who traveled about 1 week every 2 months for work.  I am so thankful that I persisted and learned ASL.  It really did pay off.  Larry was very at ease in sharing his thoughts and ideas with us at home.  For example, Larry and Charisma inherited Alex’s wonderful sense of humor and there were always so much joking and humor around.  We were enjoying communication like a regular family.

I remember once, Larry had just gone up to Middle School.  I was still buying his school clothes and had bought some new clothes for him.  Also his bedroom still had kids cartoon character curtains.  The first day of school, when I arrived home from work, Larry came to the kitchen to talk to me.  He said “I am growing up and I need to start choosing my own clothes.  And we need to get new curtains for my room.”  I started to laugh; Larry asked “what was so funny?”  I said you, and how you are growing up.  Right after dinner Larry and I went to the mall which was 30 minutes away and he chose some new clothes and new curtains and bedspread etc.  This experience might sound trivial to you, but the fact that I knew ASL allowed Larry and me to have a fun, normal mother and son moment.

I am really happy that I took ASL classes until Larry left home and went to university.  The signs you need for a pre teen are very different than the signs you need for a teen.  Knowing ASL really paid of when Larry was a teenager because ASL is faster than sign English we were able to have better more fluent conversations.

So please learn ASL to communicate with your deaf child.  I know it is extra work and effort.  But it is something you must do, so you can have effective communication with your child.  It does not matter if you child is hearing or deaf, you as a parent must communicate with them from the time they are born.  You want to be able to enjoy life everyday moments such as choosing clothes or big moments like what is their favorite teacher or sporting activity or getting their drivers license.  Communication with your children when started early will prevent many challenges when they are teenagers.

Also it is never too late to start to learn ASL.  Currently Alex is taking an ASL refresher class at DEAF, Inc.

Please share your thoughts on hearing parents learning sign language!

To get our free full family story “Unimaginable Miracles- A Family’s Journey with a Deaf Child” please sign in and download the free PDF and/or Audio at www.DeafParenting.com.  It could change your life!

Written By:  Raz Stephen