If you are a father of a special needs child and reading this blog, hooray!  We are so happy that you are involved in your child’s life!  We really, really want to congratulate you and encourage you.

If you are a mother reading this blog, and you will like your husband or spouse to become more involved with sharing in the responsibility and joys of raising your special needs child, please share this information with him!

For our podcast on this topic please go to http://www.raisingdeafchildrenpodcast.com/

Today we want to encourage both parents to stay involved and really understand that you have a specific role in your child’s education and life.  It is sad but true that about 80% of the families with children with significant special needs get divorced. This makes it very difficult for the children as well as the families.  We know there is a lot of stress and extra efforts, with having a special needs child, but the need to work together for the child is critical.  We both think that if you have the strength and the resources, do whatever it takes to stay together or get together, put your differences aside and support your child.  Your child will benefit tremendously from having both parents, fathers and mothers, involved.  Don’t get divorced, that is the best.  And in the end, you as parents will reap the benefits.

What can parents do?  Parents need to be there to support their kids.  In my opinion when you get that news it is a shocker.  But you have to get over the news and set your priorities.  Your child’s future and education takes highest priority.  The way I look at it, that’s the cards that life dealt you, and you have to work with it.  Do not look at it as an extra burden.  However, look at it as your life experience and do what needs to be done so that your child receives the best.  You need to be there to support your children.

For example: you can carry over the lessons of the day, by reviewing the work your child did in school.  Discuss and see what questions they have and see what you can do to add to that work.  This is very important because you help the child and yourself.  Larry for example, was extremely good in science and math.  He just picked up the math.  But he had challenges with reading, because English was a second language and American Sign Language (ASL) was his first language.  So when you are involved you see where your child needs the extra help.  And you can always work that into the IEP with the Special Needs Department and the school.

You want to make it a rule of thumb to help your child with their homework.  I know we did this with Larry and Charisma.  At one point Larry said I am independent and I can do this on my own.  If I need help I will come to you.  He drew the line and said you do not have to sit with me every evening.  That was really good to see him reach that stage in his development.

You can help your child with the big picture.  And what I mean by that is have conversations with them.  It does not have to be structured conversations, and it can be casual around the house or in the yard.  Talk about the importance of school and give examples of successful people to your kids, the importance of teachers and their peers.  For me my mom did that with me all the time and that got ingrained in me.  I always had mentors or people I wanted to emulate.  Talk about the importance of family, church, if you attend church, and current events.  It can be local, regional or international.  Just try and communicate.  It creates a good bond and your child will trust you more and can confide in you.

Parents need to help foster friendships with other kids. The kids with disabilities have a harder time; they don’t live as close to their class mates and friends.  Most likely they live in one town and goes to school in another town.  For example, Larry lived in Marlboro and went to school in Framingham.  All his friends were from school, so he had no friends in our neighborhood.  His friends lived across town or in adjoining towns.  So I think it’s up to you as parents to arrange play times etc.  You can take turns with other parents for arranging activities.

You can tell them they’re doing a good job.  Complement them when they do a good job.  Also, let them know of areas for improvement.  It really goes a long way. This really goes a long way because your children look up to you.  And the more you are involved they just blossom.  So the parents’ involvement is so important

This is a special call to fathers.  We want to encourage you to share the responsibilities of supporting you child.  It’s not just getting your son or daughter to a soccer game on Saturday or Sunday.  It’s the practices, the homework, the preparation, and a lot of “atta boys and atta girls”.  Let them see that you really enjoy being with them.

You may be thinking, why should we do this?  We want to tell you that you will get the rewards from being involved.  So we want to encourage you and give you hope.  If both parents, fathers and mothers, are involved most likely your child is going to become more confident, have higher self-esteem, do better at school work, perform better at and enjoy extracurricular activities more, be more adjusted, and have a better future.

The more time and efforts you put in now, your child will become more independent as a teenager and an adult.  And the more independent your special needs child become, it will be easier for you to let go.  Just yesterday a parent was asking how they can go on vacation by themselves without their deaf child.  It starts from day one.  You have to encourage independence and support your child.  As parents of special needs children we shoulder the responsibility of their care and this play a major role in our plans, for example, where we live and work etc.  The more independent your child becomes, your responsibility becomes less.  Think about this, it means you worry less!  This is a really big reward!

So we want to encourage both parents, fathers and mothers, to team up to ensure that your child become the best he or she can be.  You both can share the responsibilities to support your child. Think about the brilliant, out of the box ideas both of you can think about when you put your heads together.  We found that once you make it a priority you get the energy to do it.  We are not saying it is easy.  Yes, it is a lot more effort, but if you both make it a priority and share the responsibility, it is doable!

Parents it is all about mindset.  Look at the situation as a joy, this is my child and I will do the best.  The rewards are unimaginable just listen to our family story.

Sign in and download the free PDF and audio of our story at www.deafparenting.com.  We appreciate your comments and feedback. Please feel free to share your story with us on the blog. I am sure it will help other people on their journey.